


Somniphobia

by Dareandwriteit



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Angus takes some things to help him sleep that are too strong, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-17 08:44:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dareandwriteit/pseuds/Dareandwriteit
Summary: Angus has nightmares after Story and Song. This doesn’t worry him. He had them before then too.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Overachiever, Overworked](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14712147) by [AgentNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentNerd/pseuds/AgentNerd). 



> Angus has some problems with nightmares. Am I projecting?
> 
> Yes. Absolutely.
> 
> (I'm gonna be real, I've been having lots of issues lately and comments would really mean a lot to me. It's been hard to find motivation, and people leaving comments, no matter how short, really helps me.)

Angus was excellent at many things. Sleeping was not one of them. During his time at the Bureau, this had been quite an advantage. Avoiding sleep was natural when important research was underway. It wasn’t avoiding sleep at all really, it was working, just like everyone else. Pulling an all nighter. Working crunch time. Whatever buzzword Brad was using that week to justify overtime.

But then, the world almost ended. It didn’t. But almost.

Close enough for the nightmares to redouble their efforts.

It was easier, in a way, after the battle. There were no questions as to why Angus was plagued with nightmares. It was hard to find anyone who wasn’t.

It was much harder in other ways, ways which were vast and intertwined like spider web clogging his brain. His family (and that was strange enough, the use of that word without regret) were famous. They were important. They had responsibilities. Angus didn’t want to be one of them. Being a responsibility meant he was a burden, something which they would wish to be without.

So. Angus continued as he always had.

-

_The hunger swelled around his ankles, black speckled with colour that swirled in a sickening blur. He could feel it pouring into his shoes, wet and cold and heavy like cement. He could not run. He could not so much as lean with the vice like grip of darkness quickly advancing upon him._

_Above. Far far above, there was a silver streak. A precise gash in the sky, bright and brilliant. It carved a line across the sky, going up and up and up. Soon, Angus knew, soon it was stop and the light would reach out and destroy the hunger, save him from crushing darkness that was now soaking him to his middle._

_The light curved. And it curved. And it cut right past the horizon and disappeared. Angus tried to follow the light with his eyes, but crushing weight of the hunger was surrounding his shoulders, pressing against his neck. It burned to breathe, the cold wet sensation knocking the air out of him._

_With the last glimpses he could catch, he saw the trail of the light vanishing into the sky and he realised it wasn’t the light. It was the trail of the long gone Starblaster, now in some world other than his own._

_Then the Hunger rushed over Angus’ head, pressing at his eyes and ears and brain and screaming, screaming about the end of the world, and how didn’t need to be alone anymore-_

-

Angus woke with a start, biting on his tongue to prevent himself from crying out. He felt sick, his stomach churning nauseatingly beneath his constricted heart. He was in his room at Taako’s. The glow in the dark stars that were stuck unevenly across his ceiling glowed in tinges of green. There was a thin sliver of silver light that cut across Angus’ face, the light of the cold moon creeping through his heavy curtains. His knitted blanket was tangled in his hands, betraying unsettled sleep. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. _It wasn’t real._

Trembling hands reached beneath his bed, pulling out the same box it had pulled out every night for several months. He needed senses he could trust. Sensations he knew, he understood to be real. That reminded him of the good that lined his reality.

He carefully retrieved a sour candy from the box, taking extreme care not to rustle the bag. He winced as his shaking hands wrinkled the paper bag, and quickly popped the sweet into his mouth. His eyes watered and he fought the urge to spit the sweet out.

It was far from a perfect sweet. Angus actually didn’t really like sour sweets, they made his teeth hurt. But it was from the first batch he’d made in Taako’s kitchen, the first Taako had approved of on tasting. He’d given them to Kravitz as a thank you present for letting him stay in their home, and Kravitz had loved them.

The memory was somewhat soothing to Angus, but the tremors still snatched at his heart. The shadows in the corner of his room still seemed to flicker menacingly, but they were not as intimidating. He dug a small carved duck out of the box, and breathed deeply. Ran his fingers over the grooves, the missing feather where Magnus had laughed at Angus’ joke and slipped. Angus had apologised, but Magnus had shook his head, continued without pause.

“You didn’t ruin it,” Magnus had explained. “It’s not perfect, but it’s the best we could do. So it’s pretty damn great.”

Angus breathed deep, inhaling the pungent smell of tea leaves in the box. Merle’s gift, when Angus had been sick. Angus had been under the weather for weeks, and eventually ended up in bed as his head cold advanced to full blown flu. The others were panicked, unsure of what to do to better Angus, acting very unlike themselves. Not Merle. He had come into Angus’ room, grumbling about the crappy weather and Angus’ gross grey face, forcing a mug of tea in Angus’ hands. Warm, healing and just a little bitter. Just like Merle.

But Angus’ breaths stuttered and shuddered with sobs anyway, the cold pressure of the Hunger still brushing on his neck.

So. He pulled out his last resort. Wound the handle. Propped it up underneath his covers. And opened it.

Johann’s mixtape was not a happy thing. Not really. The music was sad. Thinking of Johann made Angus’ eyes prickle in a way he wasn’t proud of. But it was sincere. Angus knew the tune by heart: it had been his first candlenights present. It was real. The box still had Johann’s business card, with a stone of farspeech frequency long since silenced. Johann had told them were going to win. And they _had._

Angus finally felt his heart rate slowing, turning the carved duck in his fingers as he hummed along to the music. This was real. This was what mattered.

His room was flooded with light as Taako swung the door open, hair a tangled nest. Angus squeaked and stumbled back in bed, hitting his head on the head board.

“Ango! What the hell are you doing, Taako needs his beauty-” Taako cut himself off, his anger not so much drained as paused. “What’s up with you?”

“N-nothing Sir! I just lost track of the time, I’m sorry I woke you.” Angus said, scrambling to put all his items back in the box. He quickly stuffed it beneath the bed, trying not to think how the tea leaves must have been spilled all over everything inside.

Taako didn’t look convinced.

“It won’t happen again, I promise.” Angus added, settling beneath his blankets as though his heart wasn’t going a mile a minute.

“Right. Come grab me if you need anything? Cha boi’s apparently a light sleeper.” Taako said, hovering by Angus’ door. Angus nodded, hoping Taako would leave before he had any tears well up.

Taako hesitated at the door, then shrugged and walked out. Angus collapsed back on his bed, cold sweat plastering his pajamas to him.

A new solution was needed, he realised. If Angus could guarantee he was asleep all night, and not wake anyone else up, the dreams wouldn’t matter. As long as he was getting a full night’s sleep, as long as he was useful and not in the way, everything would be fine.

He opened a book on the spell sleep. And he started preparing.

-

Taako was excellent at many things. Feelings weren’t one of them. He sat opposite Kravitz at the dinner table, absentmindedly peeling potatoes. Kravitz peered over his book with a look of concern.

“Taako dear?” Kravitz asked.

Taako hummed in response, not looking up.

“What’s wrong?” Kravitz said, his raised eyebrow almost audible in his tone.

“Don’t know watcha mean bone daddy.” Taako said, still staring down.

“You’re rage peeling.” Kravitz said.

Taako spluttered. “Shut up, that’s not a thing you fuckin’ narc.”

“You’ve peeled that down to dust, dear.”

Taako finally actually looked at his potato, reduced to a tiny sliver in his hand. The pile of potato pieces was a small mountain on the table before him. Taako put the peeler down, and brushed off his hands to remove the remaining bits.

“Look. I’m not _mad._ I’m just tired. Ango kept me up last night playing Johann’s dumb candlenights tape again.”

“A tape?” Kravitz asked. Taako scowled. Of course Kravitz hadn’t woken up. He slept like the dead, he barely even stirred when Magnus was hammering on the front door.

“Oh it's some demo reel Johann gave to us all that night I met you. Kid has dozens of tapes, don’t know why he always plays that angst fest.” Taako said, rubbing at his eyes.

“Johann being…?”

Taako shot Kravitz something of a look.

“Oh yes. That Johann.”

Taako gestured vaguely. “Like, I get that he’s sad or whatever, but it can’t wait? Taako’s operating hours are strictly 9-5. It’s not like he’s said anything to me to explain what’s up, so it’s not like I can do much.”

Kravitz frowned.

“Have you considered why it always happens at night?” Kravitz said, with calculated exactness.

Taako scoffed. “He’s not afraid of the dark Krav, he’s not a giant wimp like Barry.”

Kravitz shifted in his seat, uncomfortable. “Or perhaps he’s having trouble sleeping?”

“Please, Krav, I’ve told him he can come get me if he’s had a bad dream. That was like, day one shit.” Taako waved away the concern.

Kravitz waited a moment.

“Has he actually done it yet?”

Taako said nothing. That was enough of an answer.

“I’ll check on him when I get in from work?” Kravitz offered, standing from the table, his cloak suddenly around his shoulders. Taako tried to swallow the feeling of abandonment this left him with, trying to treasure the cold kiss that was placed on his cheek.

“No, no. I’ll do it,” Taako said weakly. “If anyone understands nightmares it’s gonna be me.”

-

Upstairs, Angus placed the components in front of him. He drew his focus. He breathed deep.

And he cast sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It was 9pm. Taako had finished his chores, cleaning the plates and putting them away. Sweeping up the crumbs and errant potato peel. Even reorganised the leftovers by use by dates.

Damn, even _he_ couldn’t pretend he was doing anything other than distracting himself.

He leaned against the counter, feeling the wooden edge press into his palms. Grounding himself in the sensation.  

Checking in on Ango? Kid wasn’t a baby. He was whole decade old. That was what, a hundred, in elf years? Taako had been on his own for decades at that point, and he’d been just fine.

Taako felt pang in his chest. No. That wasn’t right. He’d hadn’t been alone. He hadn’t been fine.

Eh, so he’d put his head around the door. Sneak a peek at the drowsy detective. Hell, maybe he’d even get a chance to draw a some sideburns and Magnus’ scar over one eye. Mini Magnus was always a hit.

It’d be alright.

Angus was a bright kid.

 

-

_The room was dark, only lit by the dull glow of a stone of farspeech. Angus held it close, trying to make out voices in the static._

_“Sirs? Hello? Please respond!”_

_The light of stone of farspeech flickered, fading slightly._

_“Sirs, it’s Angus, tell me your status. Please!”_

_The light flickered sharply in his hand, making his eyes hurt._

_“I-I-it’s… H-h-h-h...W-w-w-w,” The voice that shuddered through the stone was distorted, pitch jittering unnervingly._

_Angus held the stone next to his ear, listening close._

_“Sirs?”_

_The stone burned a blinding white in his hands, the voice suddenly ear shattering in volume._

_“IT’S ME HODGEPODGE! WANT TO PLAY A GAME?”_

_The room was too bright, the digitised music was too loud. Everything was too much. Angus couldn’t think. There were too many sensations, too many things to follow. He clenched his hands over his head, but it only seemed to get louder. Too overwhelming._

_Hodgepodge was still talking, but his voice was difficult to understand, words blending together in an jarring audible glitch._

_“I don’t understand!” Angus could hear his voice, but didn’t feel like it was coming from him. It was coming from somewhere in front of him, or behind him, or nowhere at all._

_“I NEED AN ANSWER ANGUS.” Hodgepodge’s voice reverberated through Angus’ bones. “I’M GETTING BORED.”_

_“I… I don’t understand the question, I don’t-” Angus shouted, squeezing his eyes firmly shut and curling up in a ball. His shouts were cut off by a sharp numbness in his hand, one which pierced through his hand like a shard of ice._

_He opened his eyes. It was quiet. It was calm. It was pink._

_Pink like tourmaline._

_Angus lowered his hand from behind his head._

_Merle had said it had hurt like a bitch to be turned into tourmaline. He hadn’t lied. The crawl up his arm was slow, his bracer twisting and warping into a bulky pink crystal._

_“You should have known.” A voice behind Angus boomed, a presence that loomed over him like a giant._

_“I-I…” Angus started, turning to voice the voice. A large human man was behind him, the edge of his axe gleaming a virulent pink._

_“Guess we need to trim the fat.” The human said, inspecting the edge of the blade._

_“I’ll learn. I’m sorry. I’ll do better-” Angus begged, flinching as the human grabbed his shoulder and hefted the axe._

_Angus thought he was screaming, thought this usually the point where he snapped awake._

 

_He didn’t._

_-_

 

Taako’s ears twitched.

Angus’ bed had creaked fairly quietly. Kid was rolling over in bed, probably. Taako wasn’t even sure why he was listening that closely. Angus had usually broken out the mix tape by now if he was going to, so the sound of him in bed was good thing.

Probably.

Taako sat alone in his bed, cold in the wrong way. The empty space felt like it was taunting him, reminding him a life half lived in loneliness. If Angus had a nightmare, Taako could convince the kid to stay up with him, talk about something, distract him from himself...

Taako forced that thought down. Taako didn’t _need_ anyone. He crossed his arms and lay back in his bed.

His two person bed very much occupied by one wizard.

Angus’ bed creaked again, straining a little against his weight. Magnus had built it, so it was sturdier than most buildings. Took a fair bit of moving to get sound from it. Not that Taako cared.

He was thirsty. That’s what it was. He got up, walking past the perfectly stocked bathroom in search of the kitchen. Paused outside Angus’ room, taking care to make the “Boy Detective For Hire” sign on the door hung at a quirky angle. Pressed carefully on the door with his fingertips, hoping for it to swing open “accidentally”.

It was on the latch. Damn it.

Was he really going to do this? Put his skin in the game like some kinda chump?

He sighed, and pushed on the door handle.

“H-hey Agnes, you ok?” Taako whispered, aiming for casual and only missing it by a beat.

Angus was asleep, buried deep in blankets. He still had his glasses on, the frames pushing up against his face. His book was still open on his lap, pages creased where he’d knocked it about in his sleep. All kinds of trash was still scattered across the bed, Angus apparently having passed out mid project.

“Nerd.” Taako mumbled under his breath affectionately, leaning in to take Angus’ glasses from his face. But then… a frown.

Taako didn’t need to sleep. Prided himself on that fact. Even Taako knew that what Angus was doing wasn’t what sleep looked like at all. His breaths were deep and rapid, nearly hyperventilating while he lay slack on the sheets. His hands were weakly moving at his sides, occasionally gripping at the sheets with white knuckled intensity. Angus muttered in his sleep, pained and uncomfortable sounds that made Taako’s stomach turn to water.

He cleared his throat. “Hey Ango, wake up. Got some shit to show you.”

Angus did not react, failed to do so much as frown in response to Taako’s voice.

“Angus. Get up lazy bones.” Taako gently shook Angus’ shoulder, raising his voice a little. Angus’ shoulder was like jelly in Taako’s grip, limp and unrestricted.

“Angus.” Taako repeated, gripping Angus a little tighter. “Wake up now, or I fucking swear-”

Taako had his attention drawn by the book on Angus’ lap, beginning to slip from Angus’ movement. He caught it, catching a glance at the open page.

“To cast Sleep, you will require one of the following: a pinch of fine sand, rose petals, or a cricket. Increased potency dependant on quantity of components and level of spell slot used.”

It took a moment for it to click. A moment more for the feeling to catch up with the thought. And Taako stumbled back from the bed with horror grabbing him by the throat.

The trash on the bed wasn’t trash. It was dozens upon dozens of rose petals, scattered across the bed sheets, pouring onto the floor. The deep red was too much like blood, too much like a battlefield, too much like Glamour Springs. Taako stumbled through casting dispel magic, almost numb to the fact that Angus did little more than turn on his side in reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments, they really did help. Got me to have this out within one day!
> 
> My nightmares are still hanging about, but having this community to share stories with means the world to me. 
> 
> Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

Angus’ hands were limp as Taako tried to sit him up, knuckles dragging against the soft mattress. The kid’s head lolled heavily against his shoulders, drawing a pained groan from deep in his throat. Taako blanched, setting Angus back down on the bed as quickly as he could without dropping him.

What... What was he supposed to do? 

He wanted to grab Angus and shake him. Or, or just pretend he hadn’t seen any of it and walk out. Or call Kravitz, get him to deal with it, just hover behind him and ooh and aah at the right moments.

And yet. Angus was so small. He was so scared. He was so  _ Angus.  _

Taako picked up his stone of farspeech from deep in his robe. Didn’t call Kravitz, despite how much he really wanted to. Called the person he always called when running on automatic.

It only rang twice before she picked up.

“He’s still busy Ko, I’ve already told you I can’t get him to ditch no matter how much you beg.” Lup said, her smile audible.

Oh god, he had to tell her this. He had to put this into words. He… fuck… How the fuck do you describe this?   
  
“Something wrong Taako?” Lup asked, and he suddenly realised he hadn’t said anything.

“I, ah…” Taako managed, stumbling as he noticed Angus stir with a pained expression. “Angus. He’s… Lup, I can’t…”

And then, Taako whispered something. A word quiet and private and miles beyond its usual depth.

“Help.”

There was a pause of two halves at the end of the line. One of consideration, another disregarding it. A hole in reality tore itself into existence beside Angus’ bed, Taako instinctively flinging himself between Angus and it. Lup emerged through it, blazing scythe still resting in her palms. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” She said this as a statement more than a question.

Taako found the words heavy, heavy enough that they sunk deep into his chest and could barely be dredged to the surface. He got up from his position over Angus and with great difficulty said, “Won’t. Wake up.”

Lup eyes widened at this, dismissing her scythe as she saw the wariness with which Taako eyed it. She crouched down beside the bed, gasping with alarm as she saw the tide of rose petals she had to sweep away. 

“Angus? Can you hear me kiddo?” She said gently as she took the glasses from his face -something Taako realised with pain he had not done- and opened one of his eyes. Angus’ stare was blank, unreactive to the bright flame that Lup produced.

She frowned, taking the pin from the IPRE patch she had fixed to her work jacket and lifting Angus’ hand. Taako grabbed her hand so suddenly she nicked him with the point.

“No.” It was the first coherent thing he’d said to her.

“Taako, I’ve gotta test his reflexes, you know how this goes.” She said, as softly as she could manage.

“I said I’d never hurt him Lup.  _ Never.  _ You can’t.” Taako insisted, grabbing her hand tighter. A bead of blood trickled from his hand where the pin had scratched him.

“If Merle were here…” Lup began, but Taako wouldn’t let her continue.

“He’s not. You are. I won’t hurt him Lup, not more than-”

Taako left the sentence unsaid.

There were too many ways to end it.

 

-

_ “Welcome to the Bureau, Mr McDonald. You’ve been quite a thorn in our sides.” _

_ The Director was behind her desk, taller than Angus could truly understand. Even the desk seemed to tower over him, only just allowing him a view of the woman before him. _

_ “I was just seeking the truth ma’am!” Angus responded, beaming. It was his usual tactic. Be cute, be small and unimportant. Not worth the effort of removing. _

_ “We have quite the offer to make you. A position, worthy of the great skill you have demonstrated in your investigation.” _

_ There was a bracer on the desk: silver, gleaming and brilliant. Angus traced his finger over pattern on it. _

_ And then it was on, feeling like a second skin over his left wrist. It did not hurt, and the way it shined mad Angus proud to be wearing it. It was his, and no-one else’s. _

_ And then there was a voidfish in the room. Enormous and dazzling in its colours and constellations. A vial was in his hand, filled with a thick silvery liquid. _

_ Angus knew how this was supposed to go. That he was supposed to drink the ichor and begin to remember. _

_ When he drank the vial, the world shifted violently sideways, knocking Angus from his feet. Static blurred the edges of his vision, getting worse with every panicked breath. _

_ “What- what’s happening?” Angus stuttered, suddenly caught by the tightness of the bracer on his wrist. He pressed it against his head, unable to remember how it got there. It was hurting him, it was a trap all along. How could he have been so stupid, he’s the world’s greatest detective? _

_ Is… isn’t he? _

_ He saw three figures crossing the room, ones that he should know like brothers. Shouldn’t he? They seem familiar, but cannot place how. He wishes he could ask them, thinks curiosity is supposed to be important to him. _

_ But he doesn’t remember. He’s not supposed to remember.  _

_ He pulls on the elf’s sleeve (the stitching is so familiar, the raven’s feather tucked into the hem means something, is from someone) to get their attention. _

_ “Yeah Angus?” The elf’s voice drawls, and something in that name clicks. Sinks in to the static, becomes clear, obscures all else. _

_ “McDonald!” Angus McDonald said, because that was all he could say. That was all he was.  _

_ That was what he remembered. That’s all he was. _

_ A McDonald. _

_ - _

“M...McDonald.” Angus muttered in his sleep, drawing Taako and Lup’s attention from their argument.

“Ango? You waking up buddy?” Taako said, immediately by Angus’ side.

“Mc…” Angus mumbled again, the name catching in his throat. “McDonald.”

A tear ran down Angus’ face, leaving a wet trail along his cheek.

“Oh, no. Angus, don’t cry.” Lup said, joining Taako on Angus’ bedside. “We’re here baby, don’t cry.”

She went to wipe at his face, to tidy his hair. He flinched away from her, trembling in his sleep. The reaction stung her, left her sitting back in a daze.

Taako took her hand and held it tight.

Angus had a few more tears run down his face, mumbled some more panicked nonsense into his pillow.

Lup and Taako didn’t let go.


End file.
